The Romance Channel

Life and Love

Coming Around Again

So you’ve been married for several years and are Way Passed that dating stage. One or both of you are entrenched in your jobs, the kids, and making it all work well. Romance?

Pu-leeze. Who has the time, right? Not exactly. If you can make the time for your job and your children, finding time for your relationship (the little thing that brought you your children initially) might be easier than you think. And yes, sorry, it is going to take effort and time management to carve out the time for ‘romance’ in your week, just like everything else. The only difference is that ‘romance’ is the FUN part.

What is Romance?

     Well, before you can find, establish, or maintain romance, you have to know what it is—and not abstractly. We sought to operationally define romance (which is about as easy as defining love in case you were wondering). Many lively discussions ensued when talking about romance and what it was exactly, concretely, and behaviorally. Men and women had differing opinions needless to say, but we all agreed that romance was personal and intimate to everyone. We agreed that the definition of romance changes over time. For instance, what each of us thought was romantic at 15 years of age, did not hold true at 30 or 45 years of age. We ask all of you to read the below definitions as we did, come up with your own definition, and send it to us. Each week we will select a “definition of the week”, and post it on this page so that all our readers can share their ideas of romance and love with one another.

DEFINITIONS (per Webster's Dictionary)

The Noun and The Verb

Definitions:THE NOUN

1. Love affair, especially brief and intense

2. Love. Sexual love, especially when the other person or the relationship is idealized or when it is exciting and intense; (the secret of a happy marriage is to keep the romance alive)

              3. Spirit of adventure: a spirit or feeling of adventure, excitement, the potential for heroic achievement, and the exotic (e.g. the romance of cruising down the Nile)

4. Fascination or enthusiasm for something, especially of an uncritical or inexplicable kind (e.g. his lifelong romance with baseball)

5. Story of love: a novel, movie, or play with a love story as its main theme ( a writer of cheap romances)

6. Love stories collectively: love stories considered as a genre

7. Medieval adventure story: literature a story of the adventures of chivalrous heroes written in verse or prose in a vernacular language in the Middle Ages

8. Medieval adventure stories collectively: literature the genre of medieval adventure stories Arthurian romance

9. Narrative of adventures: a fictional narrative dealing with exciting and extravagant adventures (a romance of piracy of the high seas)

10. Fictitious account: an extravagant or absurd fictitious account of something

11. Short lyrical piece: music a short lyrical song or instrumental composition, usually expressing or evoking tender emotions

Definitions:THE VERB

1. tell romantic or adventurous stories: intransitive verb to tell or write extravagant or idealized fictitious accounts

2. tell love stories: intransitive verb to tell or write stories about love

3. think romantically: intransitive verb to think or behave in a romantic way

4. treat somebody romantically: transitive verb to treat somebody in a special way during a love relationship or with a view to entering on one

5. have an affair with somebody: transitive verb to have a love affair with somebody

Definition of the week:
            Romance is an experience between two people that involves all five senses (sight, hearing, smell, touch, and taste) wherein both have and express mutual feelings for one another.

Money troubles putting strain on marriage

From our Romance Channel^® audience:

Dear Dr. Amy,

My wife and I fight over money constantly.  Although we both work, she acts as if she is a hotel heiress or something when it comes to spending. I try to conserve money, only to find that we are living paycheck to paycheck because of her constant spending. Whenever I try to bring up the subject, a huge fight is sure to follow. The fights are so intense, that I think both of us are turned off at the thought of being intimate with each other (in case you can't guess, we're not having passionate "make up sex" after these fights).  Any ideas?

Sincerely,
Broke in Manhattan

Dear Broke in Manhattan,

    Financial issues are one of the most common disagreements amongst couples. It is also not uncommon for two people to choose to spend money differently. It sounds as though you avoid the discussion to avoid the argument. Avoiding dealing with a core relationship value, such as money, is not going to make the conflict disappear. Effectively communicating with your partner about important matters, such as finances, is the road to success. For more information about communicating with your partner, see our article on communication. 
    It is how disagreements are settled that mediate the "make up" part of the disagreement, and determine whether you end up sleeping in separate bedrooms or with one another. If you can pick a neutral place and time to discuss conflictual topics, when you are both feeling good about life in general, you are much more likely to resolve the conflict and end up with a positive outcome (pun intended). When the conversation reverts to defensive responses and attack, both parties are left feeling upset and the likelihood of "make up sex" is slim.

Thank you for question; please feel free to contact us and give us the follow up. If anyone else has experienced a similar situation, please let us know and we will forward your comments and feedback to Brook. If you would like to ask Dr. Amy a question, please click here.

 

Welcome to the Romance Channel

The Romance Channel

     Welcome to the Romance Channel^®, which is a site dedicated to healthy, wholesome romantic relationships. We are committed to assisting you 1) in regaining the wholesome qualities of romance, 2) in re-establishing the purity of romance into your relationship, and 3) assisting with maintaining the romance that exists in your relationship, regardless of your age, the stage of your relationship, and/or the depth of feeling you may or may not have for the person with whom you wish to experience romance. Ultimately, only you can decide who you will experience romance with and what, if, and how ‘romance’ will play a part in your life. This website is designed to provide high quality information so that you, regardless of gender, race, religion, ethnic background, and/or socioeconomic status can access all the information you need to instill romance into your life. 
       Everyone has the desire to be loved, accepted for who they are, and nurtured for the person that they are, by someone special. If you have found that someone special in your life, we will provide you with ways to maintain the romance in your relationship throughout your lifetime. If you have not yet found that person, you will be provided with ways to do so, instilling romance from the beginning of your journey. We do not purport to be able to find the love of your life, nor fix any of the difficulties that arise within the context of a loving relationship. We do hope that you will consider all the possibilities romance can bring to a loving relationship, and all that is involved and required in doing so. All relationships, regardless of their context, require time, effort and dedication. We, at Romance Channel, encourage you to maximize these pages and their utility for your own benefit, and provide us with feedback so that as we strive to meet your needs, we do so with you, our readers.

To use our site, please select one of the sections or categories, shown to the left and below:

Finding Romance	Finding romance means more than simply finding a date. This section deals with the issues involved with meeting the right person, and kicking off your healthy romantic relationship.
Building Romance	So you've found the right person. What next? This section deals with taking your romance to the next level and building it to exhilirating heights.
Sustaining Romance	No matter how hot passions once burned, the pressures of life, work, kids and money can diminish romance even in the healthiest of relationships. This section deals with how to sustain romance, and how to re-ignite that fire that burned brightly.
Romance Jr.	Teen and tween years can be particularly challenging in our consumer culture. This is a separate division of the Romance Channel, which is dedicated to helping younger age groups build a healthy outlook towards romance and relationships.

Section: Ask Dr. Amy

Ask Dr. Amy

Welcome to the Ask Dr. Amy section of Romance Channel, where Dr. Amy Trachter will answer select questions posted to the website.

Dr. Amy can currently be reached by filling out a form on the MetroGuide.com website, but will have a new form available shortly, and we'll post the new link on this page.

Dr. Amy is looking forward to the participation of the Romance Channel audience.  Please keep the questions coming!

Components of Romance

The Glory of Love

        Romance is one of those words that vary in meaning and substance depending on whom you ask. Men and women often have differing perceptions, as do singles versus those in committed relationships. We have offered some of the definitions people can and do use to describe romance. We asked a bunch of people, both married and single, men and women to state what comes to mind when you think of the word ‘romance’? Most people, regardless of gender or relationship status said “sex”. To a certain extent, we agree.  Sex can be romantic in many ways, and may be equivalent to the definition of romance for some. This website, as you may have realized by now, believes that sex is only a part of romance. To make our point: Sex is only a part of romance.

 The definition of the week describes components of romance that include all five senses.Well, that definition is certainly open to wide interpretation. Romantic sights might include anything from a room full of flowers to a sunset on the beach to a naked person in a hot tub, to the city lights of Paris. Romantic sounds might include anything from an individual moaning in ecstasy, to the sounds of Led Zepplin or Frank Sinatra, depending on who you ask. Romantic smells could include anything from types of food to candles to the cold air from a fresh fallen snow....to, well, the smell of sex.      

     Romance is an abstract concept, because it typically means something personal and intimate to everyone, although each individual's memory of 'romance" share common qualities. It also somewhat abstract because it is defined with other undefinable, abstract words like "love" and "affair", with their own complex, multiple meanings. The definition of the week was chosen because it atttempts to encapsulate in a sentence, what some people spend their lives seeking, speaking, singing, and if you are lucky, living (in what takes much more than a sentence). Romance tends to be thought of as brief and intense (e.g. it was a romantic moment in time, a romance of a lifetime); romance is abstract because it can be whatever you decide it to be--and yes, that means it can be a regular part of your relationship, right from the beginning. 'The Glory of Love' can be anything you wish and want for yourself. It doesn't have to be brief or intense, romance can be a consistent, loving, sensual and sexual part of your relationship.  Look for more articles on each component of romance for an in depth look at each of the five senses, to stimulate your imagination for your own future prospects.

Building Romance

Read this section's Most Recent Articles and Posts.

     Beginning a new relationship is typically exciting and full of promise. New relationships typically involve getting to know another person, developing intimacy and trust, and forming an attachment (not necessarily in that order). Romantic notions are not uncommon in the beginning of new relationships; however, it is how those romantic notions are expressed, that measure compatibility, test the strength and durability of the relationship, and encourage it as time passes. We encourage you to read our definitions of romance and explore through your own thought processes what romance truly means to you, and then encourage you to live by what you’ve decided. The links to the left will provide you with romantic activities, places, events, gifts, hotels, restaurants, and vacations that can help you at any time in your relationship.
     As part of establishing romance in your new relationship, we encourage you to communicate what your ideas about romance are with your partner, exploring together what would make your relationship at certain moments more “romantic”. The combination of both of your ideas and thoughts about romance into an integrated perception may be helpful to you both, especially while living romantically in your relationship. However, it is also important to acknowledge the differences you may have with your partner about their thoughts and ideas about romance, honor them, and explore romance in multiple contexts and varying ways. As always, we encourage your feedback as you read through these pages so that you can provide us with thoughtful and caring comments, so that we can better serve your romantic needs.

Our heartfelt wishes for your success in life and love,
  The Romance Channel Staff

September's Rekindling Lost Romance

Longer   

     Sustaining romance in your relationship requires time, effort, and yes, thought. The stereotype is not very far from the reality: a marriage that started "hot and heavy" cools off under the weight of years and kids. Many couples merely go through the motions of being together, but there's no spark left between them. Ask around, you'll see. People don't necessarily equate 'romance' to a marriage of 17 or 23 years. Each month, there will be an article on rekindling romance in your relationship.
      Hopefully, there is romance in your marriage ---now and always. But just in case the sparks of romance have dwindled a bit (or more), this series of articles will assist you in lighting the fires that  once frequently burned with heat, sparks, and flames.  And similar to a fire in a fireplace that does not burn forever without maintenance, relationships can only be unattended to for so long; they can't go on autopilot indefinitely. They need constant attention and revitalizing.  Romance is one of the keys to keeping a  committed relationship/marriage alive.  Stay tuned for ways to keep those fires burning.....

Sustaining Romance

Alive and Kicking

    After you’ve been in a relationship for 5, 10, or 20 years, most people will tell you the relationship and feelings therein, change over time. Change occurs whether we want it to or not, as a function of time, growth, and development. The romantic feelings one feels when beginning a relationship are undoubtedly different from those people celebrating a 10th and/or 25th anniversary. However, regardless of the length of your relationship, romance can be maintained. Although not in the manner that romantic dates occurred years ago, but in a more unique manner, as reflected by your differing emotions. Additionally, what you found to be romantic while dating your partner may or may not be romantic now. As relationships grow, develop, change, and mature, so do your feelings and ideas about sharing romance with your partner. The Romance Channel acknowledges these inevitable changes and supports them, yet maintains the stance that romance (and all that it involves) can only increase loving feelings at all stages of relationships, including those relationships that began awhile ago, perhaps even prior to the age of computers, the internet craze, razors, ipods, and online dating.
       Regardless of the length of your relationship, Romance Channel encourages you to discuss your ideas of romance with your partner. As your read through these pages we ask that you read our definitions of romance, exploring through your own thought processes what romance truly means to you today, right now, in this moment. Then if you are so inclined, think about how your ideas of romance have changed over time; Once you have redefined romance to meet the needs of your relationship, live by what you’ve decided and access the links to the left about romantic activities, places, events, gifts, hotels, restaurants, and vacations that will assist you in keeping your romantic life with your partner robust. We encourage your feedback as you read through these pages; tell us what you would like to hear about from our experts. As you provide us with thoughtful and caring comments, we are better able serve your romantic needs.
                                Our heartfelt wishes for your success in life and love,
                                                    The Romance Channel Staff

The Internet: So Much More Than "Hooking Up"

The Internet is one of the most powerful communications mediums ever; yet, we all know how many sites there are out there that are dedicated purely to commitment-free dating and "hooking up." We applaud all those who use those sites and have, in fact, included many of them on our site---as part of finding romance, not as romance itself.

At Romance Channel, we believe that there's a need for a different kind of website.  We're about more than just meeting people or matchmaking. We're about more than giving advice, we're about more than giving you useful information to access. We're about more than sex. We're about starting, building and maintaining healthy, romantic, and  loving relationships. While movies such as "You've Got Mail" and "Must Love Dogs" have romantic qualities to them, and many people meet their spouse on the internet (Congrats to all of you!), the internet can not start, build and maintain romance between two people simply because the 'romance' to which we are dedicated, involves person to person contact. We wanted to clarify that and hope you'll continue to watch us grow.